Hi Everyone, Life Coach Carisa here. Do you ever feel like your past experiences are a heavy burden, somehow dictating who you are today? Like your story was already written for you, and you’re just living it out?
What if I told you that your past doesn’t have to be your permanent address? What if you could understand why certain patterns show up, and then actually rewrite the narrative of your life to one you are motivated by, not weighed down by?
That’s what this post is all about.
Understanding Inherited Programming
A core concept in this journey is understanding “inherited programming.” In simple terms, these are the beliefs, behaviors, and emotional patterns we unconsciously pick up throughout childhood and our early environment. We aren’t born with them; we learn them as we navigate the world.
How Programming is Formed
These programs are shaped by the world around us as we grow up – through the experiences we have, the repeated exposures to how others behave, the expectations placed upon us (both spoken and unspoken), and the reinforcement by routine in our daily lives. We also absorb patterns through emotional bonding, indirect communication, and sometimes simply due to a lack of alternate perspectives presented to us.
How It Shows Up in Your Adult Life
These “programs,” these patterns shaped by our past, often run beneath the surface. We don’t consciously choose them, but they can drive many of our adult traits – things like people-pleasing, perfectionism, avoidance, controlling tendencies, fear, procrastination… the list goes on. And we find ourselves stuck, doing things we don’t want to do, having reactions we don’t understand. We think, “Why am I like this?”
Why Understanding Matters & Your Brain’s Role
Understanding this is so important because it helps us see that these aren’t character flaws; it’s often just our brain doing what it was programmed to do based on our history. Our brains are wired for habits – they love making routine behaviors automatic, which is great for things like tying your shoes, but it also makes those unhelpful patterns feel deeply ingrained.
The Hope: You Can Change!
But here’s the most hopeful part: Inherited programming is NOT a life sentence. It might feel like destiny sometimes, but it’s not the truth of who you are meant to be.
Your brain is incredibly adaptable. It’s wired for change through neuroplasticity, meaning you can literally rewire your own patterns and create new ways of thinking, feeling, and being at any age!
The Roadmap: The 4 R’s
So, if our past doesn’t define us, and we can rewrite our story, how do we actually do it? There’s a powerful framework to guide you, which I call The 4 R’s:
- Recognize: Build awareness of your thoughts, beliefs, habits, and behaviors that aren’t serving you. Look for areas of friction in your life – that’s often where the patterns are showing up.
- Reframe: Shift your perspective and change your internal dialogue to align with who you authentically are, rather than the old programming. Consciously challenge those limiting sentences in your head.
Retrain & Repeat: Create new neural pathways through consistent practice. Your brain learns by repetition, so intentionally showing up daily with new thoughts and actions is how you build lasting change and ultimately achieve Mastery.
Taking Ownership: Shifting from Victim
This process of actively uncovering and working with inherited programming is how you step out of that ‘victim mentality’ and truly take ownership of your path forward. The things that happened in the past aren’t happening to you today, yet we often continue to suffer because of that old script.
This is where you have a powerful choice. Okay, these things happened. But now, what do I want to do about it as a grown adult? For example, I carried a victim story about my father’s emotional absence and certain behaviors, only to later recognize I was unconsciously repeating some of those same patterns (like a particular reaction during arguments) with my own son. It wasn’t until I owned it and said, “Okay, I picked up these traits, but I get to choose how I move forward,” that I stopped feeling like a victim and started seeing it as my work to do on myself to evolve and change. That is taking ownership.
Get Back to Your Authentic Self
As we go through life’s difficulties, we can become disconnected from ourselves and altered. This work is about getting back to who you are authentically, because when you are connected to that core self, you will show up in your zone of genius and truly be a light in the world.
Your Guide to Transformation: ‘Why Am I Like This?’
This entire topic – owning your story, understanding the programming that shapes us, and the incredible possibility of change at any age – is so central to my work and my own journey. It’s the heart of my upcoming book, ‘Why Am I Like This? Uncovering Inherited Programming and Navigating Generational Trauma’.
I wrote this book to be a roadmap for anyone who feels stuck asking, “Why am I like this?” It shares the process I used to face my own patterns, find strength, and build a life filled with peace and resilience – a level of peace and resilience that is available to you too.
The book is your guide to identifying inherited beliefs, challenging old narratives, rewriting your inner script, and stepping into clarity and confidence. It’s about reclaiming your future and breaking free from autopilot behaviors to create a life so fulfilling, you’ll have to pinch yourself to believe it’s real.
Why Am I Like This? Uncovering Inherited Programming and Navigating Generational Trauma’ will be released on June 4th and will be available on Amazon in both hardcover, paperback, and eBook formats (audiobook planned for the future). I am so excited to get this book into your hands!
Ready to Start Your Journey?
If anything in this post resonated with you, I encourage you to start with that first step: Recognize. Just begin noticing the patterns, the thoughts, the feelings that aren’t serving you. It’s the beginning of reclaiming your power. You can rewrite your story.
Want to learn more about the book and stay updated on its release? Visit my book page here: https://lifecoachingwithcarisa.com/my-book/
Ready to break through and explore your own inherited programming with support? Sign up for a free clarity call on my website: https://lifecoachingwithcarisa.com/contact/
To dive deeper into this topic, I invite you to watch my latest video.
“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.“
Unknown