This is for the person who feels drained by a relationship. The one who carries a quiet heaviness, constantly fighting for something they’re not getting. The one who knows, deep down, that something isn’t right, but feels too stuck to change it.
It’s easy to feel hopeless in these moments, but I want to offer you an empowering perspective: you can change what you are willing to tolerate within yourself, and that can change everything. You have an internal guide, your very own Self-Worth GPS, that can lead you toward what is truly for your highest good.
The Inherited Blueprint
We cannot underestimate how our upbringing shapes the relationships we attract and accept. We are drawn to what is familiar, even if it’s unhealthy, because the familiar can feel safer than the unknown. In my own life, I saw a mother who was not treated with respect and love, and so I unconsciously learned that you had to fight for love. It wasn’t something that would just come freely. I don’t think I even knew what a healthy, balanced relationship looked like – and let’s be realistic, most of us don’t. We’re exposed to a certain narrative, and we become okay with it.
Signs of Friction
The first step to knowing you’re in an unhealthy relationship is to be honest with yourself. Just because you’re used to a certain dynamic doesn’t make it right. Look for the areas of friction in your life. How is your mental and physical health? What difficulties are showing up day after day that in an ideal scenario wouldn’t be present? You have to be willing to state what isn’t right before you can change it.
It starts with an honest inner dialogue. We need to stop discounting or explaining away how people are showing up for us. While a person’s behavior may not be appropriate, it might be all they are able to offer. The question then becomes: “Am I willing to accept and work within that, or do I want more for myself?”
The Internal Shift
Why is it so hard to make that change? Because it requires making a logical decision when emotions are so involved. The fear of being alone, of not being capable, of the unknown – these are the fears that keep us stuck. But the first, most crucial step in breaking the cycle isn’t about physically leaving a person; it’s an internal shift.
You must form a loving relationship with yourself. You have to be honest and say, “I deserve better than this. I deserve more than this person is able to offer me.” You have to decide what you want for yourself and stop covering up the painful truths. You have to believe that you are your own hero, because you are.
Choosing What Serves You
I firmly believe that we are meant to be whole and complete on our own first. We are not meant to come into a relationship with broken parts and expect the other person to solve our problems. It’s our responsibility to do the work on ourselves so we can be fully whole and offer love from a place of abundance. When you have a very healthy sense of self, you are far less likely to tolerate and accept inappropriate behavior from others. You become your own Self-Worth GPS, guiding you toward what is truly for your highest good.
I want you to ask yourself: what would my future self tell me? Would they say I should stick this relationship out for 10 more years? Or would they be pleading with me to protect myself and make the hard decision now, before it gets even harder to break away?
Want to dive deeper into this topic and hear more of my personal insights? I invite you to watch my latest video.
Would you like to understand and rewrite your ingrained patterns? Check out my book, “Why Am I Like This?”, available on Amazon! You can learn more about my book at LifeCoachingwithCarisa.com/my-book. If you are ready to apply this to your life, schedule a free clarity call on my website.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Louise Hay