This post is for the person who has that debilitating, cut-off-at-the-knees feeling right before they’re about to try something new. The moment where you decide you don’t even want to get started because you’re terrified of screwing up, being embarrassed, or being judged.

That is the Fear of Failure, and it’s stopping you from living the life you desire.

When you let that fear stop you, a second layer of shame and judgment kicks in. You know you’re preventing yourself from doing something you ultimately want to do, and you feel stuck. Let’s talk about where that fear comes from and how to dismantle it.

The Inherited Story of Imperfection

So much of our ability to try new things without being paralyzed by fear comes from our inherited programming.

Did you have caregivers who were emotionally available to tell you that failure is never a bad word unless you stop trying? For most of us, the answer is no. Our parents had their own fears and limitations, and they passed them down.

The core, unspoken rule that many of us learned in childhood is: You must do it right the first time, or you are bad at it.

I remember not wanting to play sports because I didn’t seem to thrive immediately. I learned that you are either good at something or you are bad at it right off the bat. No one talked to me about how it’s okay to continue letting yourself try, even when facing ridicule from your peers. That fear of ridicule can leave a lasting impression on our emotional nervous system that stays with us into adulthood, even when the threat of being teased is long gone.

The Real Cost: Losing Yourself

What is the biggest, most tangible thing you lose when you choose safety over taking a risk? It’s the relationship with yourself.

Every time you sell yourself short – every time you tell yourself you’re not going to try because it might be embarrassing – you further separate from your true self. You create a life where you make decisions based on fear and anxiety rather than optimism and possibility. You will find yourself disconnected from your soul’s desire, and it will become your new normal.

The price of being afraid to try is far beyond just avoiding discomfort; it is living a life that you are unfulfilled in and disappointed with as an adult.

Reframing Failure as Experience

I have had to completely change my identity with the word “failure.”

I love this concept: Failure does not exist unless you completely stop trying.

As long as you keep learning, growing, exploring, and trying new things, you are never failing. We are not meant as human beings to stand still. We are meant to move! When you move, you try new things, you experience the results, and you can tweak and get better until you learn a skill or improve your ability.

My simple mantra now is: Failure is when you stop trying. Experience is when you try new things.

You simply notice what came easy, what was hard, and what you would like to tweak.

Owning Your Power: The Action Step

The single most important action you can take is to move past a specific fear of failure and begin to own your power is to challenge the fear with logic.

Ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen?

How high are the stakes if the outcome is not what you want? Is it truly devastating? Can you build a stronger relationship with yourself and increase your resilience by simply going through it?

The situations that are truly high stakes and detrimental are few and far between. Start small. Pick the most minimum baseline action you can take and commit to doing it. Then, watch yourself grow through the process. That small success will be the first brick in the foundation of your new, fearless self.

Want to dive deeper into this topic and hear more of my personal insights? I invite you to watch my latest video.

Would you like to understand and rewrite your ingrained patterns? Check out my book, “Why Am I Like This?”, available on Amazon! You can learn more about my book at LifeCoachingwithCarisa.com/my-book. If you are ready to apply this to your life, schedule a free clarity call on my website.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Thomas A. Edison