I wanted to take this opportunity to celebrate women for International Women’s Day.

International women’s Day was founded on March 8, 1911. That is 113 years this day has been set aside to honor the labor movement in the early 20th century where women advocated for better working conditions, suffrage, and women’s rights.

It made me think about how far we have come, and how sometimes still there are people places, and situations where more growth would be appreciated. 

For me as a woman and a mother, I am extremely proud of how strong women are. Especially the Moms in this world. The amazing acts of strength, sacrifice, and love they put out into the world every single day.

Now before I share this next part, I want to make it very clear. I value the men in this world tremendously. I believe that women and men paired together can do amazing things in this world. A big one of those is the creation of a human being. So I am not sharing any of this as a way to bash men or say that they aren’t good enough. Rather I think it is the narrative in the world that needs to be refined. 

So when I became a mother in 2001, literally 2 weeks after the 9/11 attacks. I know I felt this tremendous pressure to know it all and do it all. Raise a wonderful son who is polite, courteous, prayerful, and does something with himself. I felt like the world was uncertain and scary and I was in an important role of raising my son to be a loving, caring, good human being. 

And what I noticed is that as the years went by, I then had a daughter 7.5 years later. The story my brain told me took on all sorts of responsibilities. Like it blew up being a mother into almost being superhuman. This was a story that I formed from my own childhood experiences, what I picked up from other people, and the narrative in the world at large. I felt immense pressure to hold it all together. To earn money and be the emotional superglue of the family. 

I began thinking about where this all came from. 

So I just decided to google this question one evening. Google knows everything right?? This is how the searches came up for me. 

I asked WHAT IS THE TRUE MEANING OF A MOTHER?

And here are the 2 answers I received. 

• A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills, and abilities to make it a competent human being.
• A mother is a caregiver and unconditional love giver, housekeeper, cook, baker, taxi driver, psychologist, doctor, and discipliner. They are the ones who bear the burden of everything good and bad as the days grow on. They are the ones who might get left behind; as they do so much they don’t get as much appreciation.

Guess what I saw when I searched WHAT IS THE TRUE MEANING OF A FATHER?

• A male parent. a man who has begotten a child. also : a male animal who has sired an offspring.
• A father is the male parent of a child. Besides the paternal bonds of a father to his children, the father may have a parental, legal, and social relationship with the child that carries with it certain rights and obligations.

WOW! So what do you think of that? What I see is no wonder why we try to be superhuman and get burnt out in the process or disconnected from ourselves. This is the more common narrative. Google gives you answers based on what is out there on the internet. Right? So this is the narrative. I used to brag, and complain about how many hours I worked. I used to look at it like a badge of honor. 

We are stuck living in this world as it is with a worldview that has an expectation. It is time for us to redefine what being a Mother is. We may not be able to change the world but let’s start with ourselves. Giving ourselves space to be exactly whatever we are. Not setting the bar for ourselves to a superhuman level. Not put so much pressure on ourselves that we sacrifice who we really are and what we enjoy as individuals.

It doesn’t mean that we take on these expectations and let them add pressure on us. 

What are the 5 basic needs of a child?

Kids must feel safe and sound, with their basic survival needs met: shelter, food, clothing, medical care, and protection from harm. That is a very different view than what I just shared.

When will we stop going along with the worldview and honor what is true and healthy for us?

I believe that we should love and respect the men in our lives and treat them like the powerful and impactful individuals they are capable of being. 

I used to think my husband couldn’t give baths because he wouldn’t do it right. He can’t pack their lunches because he won’t do it right. He can’t make doctor appointments or keep track of their medications when they are sick. 

I picked these beliefs up somewhere and then as they are repeated over and over again, I believed it to be true. And where did that lead me? Well, it led to one stressed out controlling Mother who was snapping at her kids rather than being able to be calm enough about what was happening at the moment. 

So why not let it start with us? Stop telling the story that our husbands and fathers don’t know how to do things. Let’s ask them to do it and be ok when it maybe doesn’t look the same as when we do it. 

Let’s respect our own needs at the same time we do everyone else. 

I hear so many moms say they don’t have time. This is a narrative we are creating from our circumstances and repeating it like it is fact. The fact is, if you get so run down and sick, guess what? The things will get done that need to get done. 

I want to see a future where moms are less stressed and less superhuman. And that starts with all the tiny decisions we make each day to give ourselves some time to reflect on what is most important and how we can take better care of our physical and mental health. 

This is what I do. I help Moms transform where they are now to where they want to go. It doesn’t matter what phase of Motherhood you are in. What age your kids are. My 9-step transformation compass is what I followed to transform my life and it is what I walk moms down so that they can get to the root of their unhappiness and together we turn their misery into joy. Their overwhelm into peace and their emotional dysregulation into calm. 

It’s not too good to be true.

“When you can’t find your purpose in a day, make it to look after yourself.”

Dodie Clark