Hey everyone! Life Coach Carisa here! Ever feel like you’re caught in a relentless cycle of overworking and overcommitting, especially when you’re a high-achieving woman? In this post, we’re diving deep into the inherited pressures and subconscious beliefs that make it so hard to rest. It’s time to break down the myth of “doing it all” and find true balance.
The Echo of Yesterday’s Narratives
If you’re like I used to be, you might feel a constant pressure to ‘do it all’ and say ‘yes’ to every request, piling more onto your plate until you’re completely drained. It’s a common story, and for many of us, it’s a narrative we inherited.Growing up, I saw a father who overworked, where contributions never seemed quite enough. My mother was always in motion, rarely sitting still, and my grandmother was a true workhorse. These weren’t just observations; they were deeply ingrained messages. It took just one person’s comment about being ‘lazy’ for me to internalize a narrative that I could never work hard enough to be considered good or worthy. These subtle, sometimes subconscious messages from our childhood can profoundly shape how we view our contributions and our need for constant activity.
The Illusion of “Doing It All”
So, what does this ‘doing it all’ actually look like? It’s this massive, overarching expectation to be everything to everyone. If you have a career, it’s about flawlessly covering all your bases. If you’re a parent, it’s managing every aspect of the household and family. For some, especially single moms, it’s literally carrying the entire weight of everything.
‘Doing it all’ means making sure everyone’s needs are met, and here’s the crucial part: this very often does not include your own needs. Your well-being gets put on the back burner, filed under ‘maybe someday I’ll have time.’ But that ‘someday’ rarely comes unless we wake up, become intentional, and decide to carve out specific time for ourselves. We need to be intentional…I’ll even say selfish…about how we care for ourselves. Because if we don’t work, nothing else does. We can’t give to anyone from an empty cup.
Why We Struggle to Rest
Why is it so hard for high-achieving women to rest? It often comes back to those deep-seated narratives. For many, there’s an ingrained belief that it is lazy to rest or to not be constantly doing something. I remember times when I’d be watching TV for just a short while and immediately feel a pull to be more productive. I didn’t even want anyone to see me doing it, for fear of looking ‘lazy.’ That impression came from somewhere.
Also, we often say ‘yes’ to everything because we don’t want to disappoint people. People asking things of us often don’t understand the sheer volume of what’s already on our plate. And because we don’t say ‘no,’ we get caught in a systemic pattern. Our bodies and minds become so used to constant functioning that changing it feels incredibly difficult. The longer we’ve been living this way, the more ingrained it becomes, requiring real focus and presence to change.
My Journey to Breaking the Cycle
I have many memories of overworking and overcommitting. I had a strong tendency to say ‘yes’ to everything, which often led to committing to things I truly didn’t have the time or bandwidth for. What happened? I’d get it all done, but then I’d be so utterly exhausted that I had nothing left for my family…the most important things in my life. I’d be short, rude, or simply not present because I was completely depleted.
My routine became this relentless drive to work until every single thing on my to-do list was done. Every email addressed, every order in, every invoice finalized…it was never-ending. I couldn’t stop midway. This spilled into my personal life, leading to working from morning until night, sometimes even bringing work into my weekends or vacations, all to feel a sense of control that was an illusion.
My ‘aha’ moment, my turning point, came when my health and my family were suffering tremendously. The chaos started to unfold around me, and as much as I wanted to dismiss it, I realized I was at the center. My lack of presence, my constant distraction, my hardcore drive for work ethic was on overdrive, impacting not just me, but my husband, my children, and my business partners. The drive to ‘do enough to be good enough’ was no longer working; it was actively harming the very relationships I cherished.
Reclaiming Your Balance: Practical Steps
So, how do we break free from this powerful cycle? It starts with intentional action and a shift in mindset.
- Journal for Clarity. One of the most powerful starting points for me was journaling. I had to write down all those friction points in my life, all the thoughts and feelings connected to always doing more. Getting that clarity helped me understand what was truly happening, and once I understood it, I gained the power to change it.
- Set Firm Boundaries. Another incredibly impactful step is to set clear boundaries for yourself. This means deciding, ‘I will only work between these hours,’ or ‘I will not check emails after 6 PM.’ And then, you have to hold yourself to it. This isn’t easy at first, but like building a muscle, the more you commit and follow through, the stronger your ability to protect your time becomes. This creates vital space for rest and for what truly matters to you.
When we talk about breaking these deep-seated patterns, we’re really addressing that internal narrator in our minds…the one that’s been shaped by childhood programming and tells us how to operate. In my new book, “Why Am I Like This?”, I dedicate a whole chapter to this. Chapter 6, ‘Persistence,’ specifically discusses how I used buffering…like overworking…to avoid discomfort. I introduce the Replacement Theory, a powerful tool for taking an unhelpful habit and consciously replacing it with something more impactful, uplifting, and positive. The book is all about reconnecting with your true self and rewriting the narrative that no longer serves you, helping you find a balanced view of how to show up in all areas of your life.
The Ultimate Transformation
Ultimately, breaking free from overworking and overcommitting gives you the opportunity to live a healthier, more full, and joyful life. So many of us are chasing a definition of ‘success’ that isn’t even our own; it might be inherited from a parent or caregiver. This realization and awareness gives you the power to choose. If you’re currently ignoring areas of friction in your life that are bubbling up because of this constant push, wouldn’t you want to look at it? You deserve to choose a life where you thrive, where you are present, and where your well-being is a priority, not an afterthought.
For a deeper dive into reprogramming your subconscious narratives and overcoming inherited patterns, check out my new book, “Why Am I Like This?”, available now on Amazon! You can learn more about my book at LifeCoachingwithCarisa.com/my-book. And if you’re nodding yes through all of this, because you recognize your own overworking and overcommitting patterns, sign up for a free clarity call on my website, let’s chat about what’s truly at the root of not being able to rest.
To dive deeper into this topic, I invite you to watch my latest video.
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.“
Stephen Covey