February is a month where love, connection, and self-worth take center stage. But for many, these themes bring up deep-rooted fears—especially the fear of abandonment and rejection. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling unworthy of love or like you need to earn acceptance, you’re not alone.
I know this journey personally. My own fear of abandonment shaped much of my life without me even realizing it. It wasn’t until my late 40s, after digging into mindset work, that I uncovered how these hidden fears were influencing my relationships, decisions, and emotional well-being.
My Story: Where the Fear of Abandonment Began
One of my biggest realizations was how much I sought love and approval—especially from my father. Growing up, love in my family felt conditional. If I performed well, I’d receive fragments of affection, but nothing ever felt secure. My father often said, “There is no such thing as unconditional love.” That belief shaped how I saw relationships, making me assume that love always came with conditions or ulterior motives.
A defining moment came after I had my first child. I was exhausted, trying to balance work and family life, and I turned to my father for reassurance. I asked him, “Do you want me to stay?”—meaning, did he see value in me staying in the family business despite the challenges of being a working mother? But he never really answered. That moment made me realize I wasn’t just searching for work-life balance—I was seeking his approval.
This belief affected my marriage, too. I found myself creating stories in my mind, assuming my husband’s actions had hidden motives when in reality, they didn’t. It took open conversations and deep self-reflection to start challenging these patterns.
How I Began to Heal
The turning point in my healing journey came when my father no longer had financial control over my life. For years, our family’s livelihood was tied to my work in the business, making me feel trapped. But once I gained financial independence, I had the freedom to challenge old beliefs and create my own.
Another breakthrough came from external validation. I joined a college advisory board, initially feeling insignificant. But soon, I was being praised for my insights. The same happened in a business group—I walked in feeling small and left realizing my value. These moments helped me start believing in myself, separate from the approval of others.
One of the most powerful mindset shifts I adopted was E.A.T.—Equal Air Time. If I had a negative thought, I made sure to counter it with an equally strong positive thought. I also began picturing my negative self-talk as an unkempt, messy roommate in my head—someone who could talk but didn’t get to control my life.
How You Can Start Healing
If you’re struggling with a fear of abandonment, here are some practical steps to begin shifting your mindset:
1️⃣ Look at where your story began. Ask yourself: When did I first start believing I was unworthy of love? Was that belief actually true? Place the burden where it belongs—on the circumstances or people who influenced it, not on yourself.
2️⃣ Get conscious. Living on autopilot keeps you stuck in the same emotional loops. If you never pause to examine your thoughts and behaviors, you’ll keep repeating old patterns. Growth comes from awareness.
3️⃣ Rewrite your narrative. Just because you inherited a belief about love, security, or self-worth doesn’t mean it’s true for you now. Question the old programming and intentionally replace it with new, empowering beliefs.
You were not born feeling unworthy—these fears were learned. And that means they can be unlearned.
You Are the Creator of Your Story
No matter what messages you received in childhood, you have the power to transform the way your life feels to you. It all starts with your thoughts and mindset. You are not stuck—you are simply operating from an old program that can be rewritten.
If this message resonated with you, I invite you to schedule a Complimentary Clarity Call to explore how coaching can support you in breaking free from limiting beliefs. My approach isn’t one-size-fits-all—I work with you to create bold, customized strategies to help you thrive. You can schedule your session at lifecoachingwithcarisa.com.
Healing is possible. You are worthy of love and security. And your story isn’t finished yet.
To dive deeper into this topic, I invite you to watch my latest video.
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”
Brené Brown