Hey everyone, Life Coach Carisa here! Have you ever felt like you’re your own worst enemy? That critical voice in your head, the one that tells you you’re not good enough or that you should just give up, is a powerful force. It’s often easier to be nasty to ourselves than it is to be kind, and for many of us, the way we talk to ourselves is the most destructive conversation we have all day.

But here’s the truth: that negative voice isn’t really yours. It’s an unspoken narrative that was passed down to you. So, how do we finally silence our inner critic and reclaim our authentic selves?

The Roots of the Inner Critic

The foundation of our inner critic is built in childhood through family programming. We absorb and internalize beliefs from our family through simple observation, unspoken expectations, and emotional bonds. For me, my father’s perfectionism was the perfect breeding ground for a relentless inner voice. He used to say, “Good enough never is.”

Years later, that message was reinforced by a well-meaning guidance counselor who told me I needed a backup plan because the family business might not last. I can see now how that perfectionism and fear of failure combined to create the voice in my head that would say, “You’re not good enough, Carisa. If you don’t figure this out, you’ll contribute to the failure of the entire business.” What a weight to carry.

Understanding the Critic’s “Job”

This voice exists to keep us safe. Our brain stores past experiences, judging everything around us to protect us from danger. The inner critic is trying to “protect” us by preventing us from making a mistake or feeling uncomfortable.

However, the real cost of letting this voice run the show is that you lose your sense of self and your authentic voice. You can become trapped in a relentless loop of anxiety, perfectionism, and overwork. You pay a high price for a perceived sense of safety.

Separating Yourself from the Voice

The first step to silencing the critic is to catch the words. You have to get good at noticing the sentences in your mind. A helpful, light-hearted approach is to separate yourself from the voice. I like to call it the inner roommate. I once pictured mine as a sloppy, overweight person who sat on the couch all day, complaining. By separating myself from that mental image, I was able to put distance between me and the toxic self-talk.

This inner roommate, born from your childhood programming, has simply become your default way of thinking. But you have power here. You get to decide if this version of your roommate gets to stay.

The Path to Self-Trust

Most people focus on self-confidence, which comes from action. I didn’t have the confidence to write a book until I started with the first chapter. But self-trust is something so much more powerful and sustainable. It is a loving relationship with yourself that is so unbreakable, you can catch those negative sentences and say, “Wait a minute, Miss Nasty. That is not helping me, and it’s not even true.”

I experienced a powerful “aha” moment when I was building my coaching business. I was feeling great after a session, but as I walked out, that negative voice popped up: “You aren’t any good at this. What are you doing?” In that moment, I literally stopped and said out loud, “What in the world are you talking about? That’s not true. This is my zone, I’m on fire!” I put instant distance between myself and that inner critic. I am not my thoughts.

The Ultimate Transformation

The ultimate benefit of this work isn’t so much silencing the inner critic completely – we still need that voice to keep us safe. The goal is to make sure your proactive, encouraging voice is the louder of the two.

It’s a feeling of profound peace and an inner knowing. It’s the most beautiful, loving relationship I have ever built. The benefit is that I get to show up in the best way for everyone I love and encounter, because I am my biggest fan and cheerleader, even when I misstep. This is the freedom, peace, and fulfillment that comes from letting your authentic self shine through.

Want to dive deeper into this topic and hear more of my personal insights? I invite you to watch my latest video.

Would you like to understand and rewrite your ingrained patterns? Check out my book, “Why Am I Like This?”, available on Amazon! You can learn more about my book at LifeCoachingwithCarisa.com/my-book. If you are ready to apply this to your life, schedule a free clarity call on my website.

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

Louise Hay