“I just sent a text. It’s been three hours. Why am I in a mental tailspin?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, I want you to take a deep breath. You aren’t “dramatic,” you aren’t “needy,” and you certainly aren’t broken. What you’re experiencing is a nervous system response…specifically, a manifestation of what I call the “Not Enough” Wound.
In my latest deep dive, we explore why so many of us feel like safety in our relationships is a moving target. If you feel like you have to constantly perform, over-give, or “check the mirror” of someone else’s opinion just to feel okay, this is for you.
The “Mirror Trap”: Why Other People Are Terrible Barometers
When we carry the “Not Enough” wound, we tend to “job out” our peace to the people around us. We treat our partners, friends, or even our bosses like mirrors. We look at their tone, their response time, or their mood to see if we are still acceptable.
The Truth: Other people are distorted mirrors. They are filtered through their own stress, their own bad days, and their own inherited wiring. If you use a distorted mirror to measure your worth, you will always see a distorted version of yourself.
Where the Wiring Comes From
This isn’t just “in your head”…it’s in your body. For many of us, this hyper-vigilance is Inherited Programming.
- Maybe you grew up in a “hot and cold” environment.
- Maybe you heard the mantra, “Good enough never is.”
- Maybe you learned that love was a reward for high performance.
Your nervous system learned that proximity equals safety and distance equals danger. Your “radar” for rejection isn’t a defect; it was once a brilliant survival strategy. But today? It’s just exhausting you.
How to Stop “Jobbing Out” Your Peace
Healing relationship anxiety isn’t about “thinking” your way out of it; it’s about expanding your Nervous System Capacity. It’s about learning to sit in the “gap” between sending a text and receiving a reply without your internal circuit breaker tripping.
A Somatic Tool for the “Tailspin”: Next time the anxiety hits, stop looking at the “mirror” (your phone).
- Ground your energy: Put your feet flat on the floor.
- Shift your focus: Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly.
- Acknowledge the truth: Tell yourself, “I have my own back. I am safe in this body right now.”
Ready to Reclaim Your Power? Watch the Deep Dive
You don’t have to earn your seat at the table. You are already enough, exactly as you are.
Click here to watch the video.
If you’re ready to stop the hustle and start understanding the “why” behind your wiring, I invite you to dive deeper:
- Pick up your copy of Why Am I Like This? to map out your own inherited triggers. You can learn more about my book at LifeCoachingwithCarisa.com/my-book.
- Ready for a personalized approach? Let’s work on expanding your capacity for peace together. Schedule a free clarity call on my website.
“The wound is not your fault, but the healing is your responsibility.”
Denice Frohman